Comic Nonsense
by JellyBelly7777
Summary: Some random things I thought up one day. Some inside jokes and things that I put into a fic. Pretty funny, I thought. Rating just for language. I dropped the f-bomb a lot. Good read if your bored.
1. Randomly Random Randomness

Part 1- Randomly Random Random-ness  
  
Ron ran into the Great Hall one morning, waving his arms and screaming like a   
  
two-year-old girl being attacked by a rabid gorilla. "MY COLON! MY COLON!" he   
  
screamed. "THE PAIN! THE HORROR!! THE TUMOR!!!!" He quickly ran around all 5   
  
tables, randomly slapping Snape on the head as he came by. Then, when he was   
  
beet red and couldn't run anymore, he sat down next to Harry and Hermione   
  
at the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Guys, you won't believe this… I'VE GOT COLON CANCER!!" "Um… Ron… you just  
  
ran around like a retard for 10 minutes screaming 'my colon'… it wasn't   
  
that hard to figure out why." Hermione said, slightly disgusted by the   
  
thought of Ron's colon. "But… but… but I love my colon! It's the best   
  
colon in the world!" Harry gave a sort of a donkey like snort. "Yeah,   
  
like your colon is better than mine. That'll be the day."  
  
"SHUT UP YOU UNCLE FUCKER!" Ron yelled. "Uncle Fucker? Where?" Dumbledore   
  
yelled frantically. Now it was his turn to run. He ran around each of the   
  
tables singing the "Uncle Fucker" song, then made a mad dash for his office.  
  
When he stepped onto the escalator thingie, the singing echoed through the   
  
whole school.  
  
Faint cries of "Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker…" could be heard   
  
hundreds of feet away. The first years looked on the verge of tears.   
  
"Great, Ronnie Fuck-Face! Look what you did!!" Hermione shouted, pointing   
  
at a group of catty first year bitches crying hysterically. "Oh yeah, like   
  
that was my fault! Did you see me running around like an ass screaming 'Shut   
  
your Fucking Face Uncle Fucker?' "  
  
"Oh yeah, Mr. MY COLON! THE TUMOR! OH THE AGONY!! MY ASS MY ASS! Like that   
  
was any better!" "SHUT UP DILHOLE!" Ron screamed at Hermione, sending   
  
Professor McGonagall into fits of hysterics for no reason at all. 


	2. You are a Trumpeteir!

Chapter 2- You are a trumpeter!  
  
Snape got up from the staff table and walked over to the Gryffindor table.  
  
He stopped at Harry, Ron, and Hermione and gave them the dirtiest look ever.  
  
"First the Headmaster, then Professor McGonagall! Who else are you gonna   
  
piss off tonight?" he screamed. "Maybe… you, perhaps?" Ron said innocently.  
  
"Too late." said Snape. "Damn it!" Ron said angrily. Pissing off Snape was   
  
just too much fun. "500 points from Gryffindor!!" Snape screamed. "SCORE!!  
  
Oh… wait… no!! YOU SUCK YOU GREASY WHORE!"  
  
At the word 'whore', Snape ripped off his robes, revealing a bright yellow  
  
Speed-o, fishnet stockings and a coconut bikini. "I am not greasy!   
  
A whore, maybe, as you can see… but GREASY?! Never!!!" Snape yelled snapping  
  
his fingers. A pole, strobe lights and music came out of nowhere. All of a   
  
sudden Snape climbed on the pole and slid down on it like a stripper. "It   
  
would be better if the music was any good." Ron said, pointing out that   
  
the song playing was none other than 'Ring of Fire' by Johnny Cash. Not a very good stripper song, if you ask me.  
  
But it all made sense when the pole suddenly transformed into, yes, you guessed it,  
  
an actual Ring of Fire. Snape dove through it repeatedly yelling "Whee! I'm a   
  
dolphin! Yippee - de- doo- dah!!!" but the yelling suddenly ended when Snape   
  
lost his balance on one of the dives and, as the song says, fell into the burning   
  
ring of fire. 


	3. Gayness is a Virtue

Chapter 3- Gayness is a Virtue!  
  
Minutes later, ambulances and police cruisers arrived at Hogwarts to take Snape away.  
  
They walked in fully equipped with a fire hose, stretcher, and straightjacket   
  
just in case. They put out the professor with the hose and stuck him on the   
  
stretcher. "Wait, I need to do one more thing before I go."   
  
Snape said motioning for the firemen to stop wheeling him out.   
  
He snapped his fingers again and a spotlight appeared on Harry.  
  
"This one's for you. I loved you and you broke my heart! Like that  
  
night up in the Astronomy Tower meant NOTHING!" then Snape started  
  
singing 'So Yesterday' By Hilary Duff. But before he could get to   
  
'But I'm keeping your jeans', the police locked him in the straight   
  
jacket and toted him away. That didn't stop Snape, though.   
  
While being wheeled out of the hall, you could hear "I'm like a bird  
  
that's already flown away…" Everyone turned to Harry, who was  
  
mortified himself by the random outburst of song. That night in the   
  
tower didn't mean anything, because he was in love with George Weasley,  
  
that lovely, redheaded sex machine.  
  
The rest of the night was filled with fun. Up in Gryffindor common room,  
  
the night was echoing with song, dance, and the result of eating way too  
  
much peanut butter. Fred and George were sipping butter beer singing a  
  
made up Irish Drinking song that went sort of like "There once was a   
  
lass named Lassy…"  
  
"Who loved me and loved me and loved me…" "She gave me some kisses and  
  
I gave her Herpes… "And I said HaHaHa you fucking Prostitute! Happy   
  
Flipping St. Patty's Day to ya!"  
  
In a corner, Ron was doing something no one could see. Harry and Hermione  
  
were curious, but didn't want to interfere if he was doing something important.  
  
Turns out, he wasn't, he was just scarfing down peanut butter. "Ron, that's not  
  
a very good idea." Hermione said matter-of-factly. "You know how you get when  
  
you eat peanut butter." Ron suddenly shot up out of the corner, put one of   
  
Hermione's elf hats, and ran around screaming "Daaamn You, Norman!"   
  
(spoken like Kathrine Hepburn in that movie… the Golden River one…)   
  
"Oh shit! Duck and Cover people!" Fred and George yelled,   
  
taking residence under a table. Everyone hid, and in a seconds time,  
  
Ron was darting across the ceiling, flying randomly around the common room. 


	4. Shake It Like A Polaroid Picture

Before This chapter starts, I wanna thank coolcat411 for being my first reviewer.  
  
I think you were right. I changed my rating to R.   
  
-And OH... This chapter is kinda a little worse than the previous ones. it's got Stripping,  
  
more swearing, you get it...   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 4- Shake it Like A Polaroid Picture  
  
Ron ended up fainting, the action was too much for his frail little body. When everyone  
  
came out of hiding, George said, "That was close. Now it's our turn. Fred, let's do it."  
  
"Right-o!" yelled Fred. They got on top of the table and put on a Wizard-like CD player  
  
thingie. Music began and the twins started to strip.  
  
They suddenly broke into song. "I'm too sexy for my Shirt, too sexy for my shirt. So Sexy  
  
it hurts…" ending the song completely naked and with George on top of Harry. "SCORE!"   
  
Harry screamed.  
  
"Well, that was fun. I'm off to bed." Fred said, grabbing his clothes and guesturing for  
  
his brother to come along. "Coming!" George said, getting off of Harry and gathering his  
  
clothes. Fred and George walked up the stairs, randomly singing "How funky is your Chicken?  
  
How Loose Is your Goose?" all the way.  
  
"GRR! I was THAT close! He was on top of me!" Harry complained to Hermione after the twins   
  
were gone. Hermione, who was busy trying to wake Ron from his fainting spell, gave Harry an   
  
annoyed look and told him to shut up. "Do we always have to talk about you, Harry? Your best  
  
friend is zonke dout and all you can think about is how close you were to screwing his brother!"  
  
"You suck." Harry said, walking to the dorms. "Shut your cake hole, Buttmunch!' Hermione  
  
said angrily. She did NOT suck! Ron woke up from his little spell. Hermione yelled "Ron,   
  
Oh my ickle Ronnie-kins! You're alive!" Ron looked into Hermione's eyes, once again yelled   
  
"DAAAAAMN YOU NORMAN!" and fell back into unconsiousness.   
  
"See, you do suck! You can't even wake him up." Harry said, from the stairs. "Like you could   
  
do any better." Hermione said challengingly. Harry just looked at her and walked back up the   
  
stairs to his dorm, shutting his door loudly. Hermione got up, looked at Ron, yelled "I hate  
  
you, you bastard.", kicked him halfway across the room and went into her dorm. 


End file.
